tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post3657682364402684923..comments2023-10-29T08:13:44.434-04:00Comments on Micro Preemie Twins: The Story of H & E: Preschool WoesBilliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10589229199716201638noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-82049514420020590352007-05-30T00:23:00.000-04:002007-05-30T00:23:00.000-04:00At my elementary school they segregated those with...At my elementary school they segregated those with phsyical disabilities, but we argued this for from grade four on until finally they were put into classes with us and it was such a relief. It was so...amazing. And people came to see that they weren't burdens, but just people, like us.<BR/><BR/>If they segregate Eden and Holland, just fight for what you believe. Good will come out eventually. You have two awesome girls, and they have so much to offer to this world at such a young age.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-70739807432402157342007-05-15T12:32:00.000-04:002007-05-15T12:32:00.000-04:00Hi, I just wanted to share my experience here. I ...Hi, I just wanted to share my experience here. I know that you are in support of inclusion-based environments. For children of varying abilities, this is a great idea. However, with deaf children, they really do need each other so that they don't feel left out or alone as in the only deaf person in the world. If Eden is mainstreamed, you can at least try to find other families that have a deaf child and make playdates with them or participate in Deaf community events. I grew up with the best of both worlds: by getting an education at a mainstream setting and attending Deaf community events, playing with deaf friends and having babysitters who signed. It made the world of a difference for me and instilled great pride in myself as a deaf person. =DAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-50042401366581472692007-05-14T01:10:00.000-04:002007-05-14T01:10:00.000-04:00Just a comment from a Texas grandma--you can NEVER...Just a comment from a Texas grandma--you can NEVER by too optimistic for your children.<BR/>My twin grandsons have almost no physical problems but have thrived on each other's support--especially the shy introverted one. Now at 9 they are in separate classes and have matured to the point they can each stand on his own.<BR/>As a grandma, I've determined never to rush my grandkids--so you can tell I'm for waiting at least a year before separating them.<BR/>SueAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04142298197139534598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-17016534664884015042007-05-11T22:10:00.000-04:002007-05-11T22:10:00.000-04:00Hey Billie,What a tough decision you have to make?...Hey Billie,<BR/><BR/>What a tough decision you have to make? I have been thinking about this and I am torn between the options and they are not even my babies, so I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you!?!? I agree with you thoughts about keeping them at home for another year. They are so young, plus the germs and all that you said. At least that way you will have another year to think about your other options and see how Holland and Eden progress over the nest year. Miss you! AmyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-460023389272286362007-05-10T23:50:00.000-04:002007-05-10T23:50:00.000-04:00I am not in your shoes, and frankly have never com...I am not in your shoes, and frankly have never come close. I think no matter what comes your way, you will do what is best for both girls, even if it takes a couple trial & error decisions to find what works best. Don't be afraid to make the wrong decision because you'll know it is wrong within a short amount of time (I think your instincts will let you know very quickly).<BR/><BR/>Just a thought to throw into your hat though, if you put both girls in a regular setting and Holland instantly thrives, makes friends, plays with the other kids and so forth, but Eden has a more difficult time (knowing how regular kids will shy away from her), do you think that Eden will feel bad and left out as she watches her sister thrive while she is ignored?<BR/><BR/>I'm not saying she will be ignored, but knowing kids (and people in general) I don't think it would be an anomoly if it did occur. <BR/><BR/>Secondly, although seperating them sounds heart breaking, it may be good for both of them because it could allow each of them to thrive in their own environments, which are best suited for their individual needs. <BR/><BR/>I agree with you that individuals with disabilities should not be segregated, but I wonder if segregating them in the beginning could be more bebeficial, at least until they (especially Eden) can gain self confidence and is reasured in herself before being thrown into a situation where she will be the odd duck out, watching her sister thrive and make friends where she herself may not. Perhaps if she were in a special school she would have an easier time making friends, and those friends would 'stick around' even after she went to public school. <BR/><BR/>I think you will be the absolute best judge for everything. You love them so much and you know them both so well, you will find what is right for them. <BR/><BR/>Without knowing the girls personally, and only assuming what it might be like to have twins, I would probably lean towards taking this year off of school, and then doing option 1 or 2 next year.<BR/><BR/>Best to you. Hope you find the answers you're looking for, but even if none of us can help, I have complete confidence in your maternal instincts...your blog radiates your love for them.<BR/><BR/>:)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-73240778511924881302007-05-10T13:23:00.000-04:002007-05-10T13:23:00.000-04:00Oh, Billie, I wish you didn't always have to weigh...Oh, Billie, I wish you didn't always have to weigh every little decision (not that this is a little decision, but it would be for non-preemie parents of non-disabled kids) and worry so much about whether or not you are making the right decisions. It occurred to me the other day, when you wrote about having to find metal slides because the plastic ones create static that interferes with Eden's cochlear implant, that us parents of relatively healthy kids take so much for granted. This post on top of that one just really brings it home how much you have to struggle with, take into consideration, spend time thinking about, that other parents have the luxury of never needing to contemplate.<BR/><BR/>But you are an amazing mom because, no matter what, you always do the contemplating. You always think of the girls first. And you always make the right decisions for them. I know you will do that for this one, too. H&E are so lucky to have such devotion from you and John.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04299620492056451965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-70856014267117267522007-05-10T02:14:00.000-04:002007-05-10T02:14:00.000-04:00I always had difficulty with daycare as a child. I...I always had difficulty with daycare as a child. I have asperger syndrome and always had difficulty interacting with groups of children and had frequent tantrums. When I was six, one daycare worker even said to my mother, "You've got to do something about that one!" Luckily, in my case, my grandmother lived (and still does live with us) with my family for all of my childhood so I only rarely attended daycare. The city where my family lives now has an early education program which takes children with all kinds of developmental delays/disabilities. It's an excellent program and has a very diverse group of kids with disorders ranging from mild language or social delays to severe and multple disabilities. I wish such a thing existed in the town I grew up in. I would recomend (based on my experiences) that before enrolling the children in a program, make sure the staff are familiar (preferably had previous experience) with your girls' types of disabilities. Since you're children's disabilities are mainly physical rather than social or cognitive, they would likely fare better with non-disabled peers if these peers were accepting of their differences than in a disabled-only class. However (and I know this from experience as someone who was very socially delayed as a child and especially as an adolescent) putting children with kids their own chronological age when their developmental age is much younger usually does not result in friendships but rather being ignored or rejected. Also (and I'm sure you know this since you're a school psychologist) observe the program for a few days and make sure the atmosphere is not one where children tend to bully each other. Some programs that say they have a zero tolerance policy really don't enforce it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14299493731311058061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-23213592364753957542007-05-09T20:21:00.000-04:002007-05-09T20:21:00.000-04:00Hi Billie. I can't image what what your going thro...Hi Billie. I can't image what what your going through. I do know that British Columbia Canada has a program for "special needs" children where the parents get help especially if the child has permanent disablities or other needs. I'm on persons with disablites (low thyroid among other things) which is a lower "grade" less help but I can get help with dental, bottled water, vitamins, special dietary needs, 23 dollars toward a massage ect. so imaging for Eden and holland they would get so much more. anyways here the link. The BC gov doesn't tell you much but I know there is help out there. http://www.eia.gov. bc.ca/mhr/hsp.htm<BR/><BR/>Your kids are beautiful and having such awesome parents I just know the girls will bloom under such love.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-4782080360985741182007-05-09T06:31:00.000-04:002007-05-09T06:31:00.000-04:00I can only begin to imagine what you must be feeli...I can only begin to imagine what you must be feeling like. I am facing a similar thing with my two, but on a much, much smaller scale; and I am feeling totally overwhelmed by it. <BR/><BR/>I have been thinking the same things as you. I dont want to split mine up, I feel strongly that I want to send them together, at the same time. Some people are pushing me to send Kate first and keep Adam back, but it doesn't feel right inside.<BR/><BR/>And I hear you on the depending on others thing. My boy is such an intense child. What if the teacher hates him? What if the teacher doesn't understand him, or gets impatient with him. <BR/><BR/>Sigh. My heart goes out to you. If it is this difficult for me, I can only begin to imagine how hard it must be for you.<BR/><BR/>Sending you lots love<BR/><BR/>TxxTertiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17041136587660938690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-15142707418121384372007-05-09T00:57:00.000-04:002007-05-09T00:57:00.000-04:00oh billie... i hear you on the some teachers are S...oh billie... i hear you on the some teachers are SO great, and others just SO aren't... i know it's scary. you guys will figure it out, though and the girls will be great :-) love you guys, and miss you.<BR/>lisaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-81902728318723566592007-05-08T23:16:00.000-04:002007-05-08T23:16:00.000-04:00Billie,Off topic but I wanted to let you know that...Billie,<BR/>Off topic but I wanted to let you know that any time I'm feeling beaten, I come here and let your girls brighten my day. A farm animal inclusive tea party could brighten the darkest hour, I think.<BR/><BR/>(and did you mean the "ruminating" pun under the cow pic? Brilliant.)Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11157074679887885490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-51379505473192342562007-05-08T22:41:00.000-04:002007-05-08T22:41:00.000-04:00Billie, I was just talking to Miss Marley's teache...Billie, I was just talking to Miss Marley's teacher last week in regards to the same thing. PRESCHOOL! What a scary word. There is just no way that I will put Little Miss Marley on a school bus. Maybe when she is like 6 and she can tell me she wants to be with her friends or something. I am scare too that she won't be able to tell me if someone was mean to her or other stuff that I don't want to think about. Even though we have one more year at home I need to start preparing and looking into our options. I am such a planner and I want to be prepared. Maybe staying home one more year is a good idea. I know you will make the right decision.<BR/>Love Ya,<BR/>HeatherAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-45548571113209653452007-05-08T22:06:00.000-04:002007-05-08T22:06:00.000-04:00looks like your getting some good feedback. i've ...looks like your getting some good feedback. i've got a little guy with a disability and I used to be a full inclusion specialist (therefore I definitely in favor of inclusion when possible). He just started preschool this year at 4--we kept him home an extra year. I felt terrified the first day of school. i wanted to keep driving and kidnap my own son and take him away. but it turned our great. and if it wasn't great, we would ahve pulled him out and tried something else. if you have a teacher who is open, it makes all the difference. sometimes you just have to follow your gut and then makes amends as needed. seems like the girls are thriving and have developed so well. one step at a time...Lisa Leonardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09000122580195871946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-509390324631507042007-05-08T21:48:00.000-04:002007-05-08T21:48:00.000-04:00You make me want to become a teacher now! I, of c...You make me want to become a teacher now! I, of course can not imagine how these kids can not be loved by everyone!<BR/><BR/>I definitely agree with the inclusion idea however I understand your concerns about judgement. You have to remember that Holland will not take anyones s--t and Eden will kill them with her smile.<BR/><BR/>You somehow find the strength to continue to make the best decisions you know how. And remember, your first decision may not be what works best, but you have time to make changes if necessary.<BR/><BR/>The thought of seperating them kills me.Allisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07049469998249635875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-28529320860549025282007-05-08T21:44:00.000-04:002007-05-08T21:44:00.000-04:00You will make the right decision.I know you will.Y...You will make the right decision.<BR/>I know you will.<BR/>You are intelligent and sensitive, and you will make the right choice for both your girls.<BR/>I love you.<BR/><BR/>KendraKendra Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10987312000889846337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-23211755378888660362007-05-08T20:07:00.000-04:002007-05-08T20:07:00.000-04:00Billie, Every single decision you have made for yo...Billie, Every single decision you have made for your girls has been well thought out, and looked at from every possible angle. Give yourself some time and go with your gut! I myself don't see how anyone could not LUV those two girlies, but I also understand your fears. Keep your chin up and ENJOY the summer!!!! Luv LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-62707131547815933462007-05-08T16:38:00.000-04:002007-05-08T16:38:00.000-04:00Hi Billie.I don't have any experience with disabil...Hi Billie.<BR/><BR/>I don't have any experience with disabilities, but in my home country -Italy- it is very common to keep children at home until they are 4 or 5 or even 6 years old. I think that if they need more time they should be given more time. And it is true that kids in daycare get sick a lot. Why not wait a year and then start sending them to a school for only a few hours each week to see if it is beneficial for them and if they like it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-77949427969711934612007-05-08T14:59:00.000-04:002007-05-08T14:59:00.000-04:00Hey Billie! I miss you guys so much! Anyways, I li...Hey Billie! I miss you guys so much! Anyways, I like option 3 or 4. I would only do 3 if you found a great preschool and you only went one or two mornings a week. It would be nice to have them home one more year too and keep them together. I would push for mainstream for as long as you can untill or unless it doesn't seem to work. Love ya!kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995121920765122344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-37513304663123192322007-05-08T14:54:00.000-04:002007-05-08T14:54:00.000-04:00Billie,I have spent the last year trying to find a...Billie,<BR/>I have spent the last year trying to find a preschool program to meet my daughters needs and have had great difficulty, I have written to papers. our mayor the ministry of social services etc trying find a solution to having a special needs child welcome in the community. You guys have had rough time lately and you have seen how the girls are still fragile and need to be kept from all the dreaded colds and germs. Another year at home won't hurt the girls, you do so much with them at home that they really aren't missing out on too much. My daughters AV therpist told me to ignore everyones recommendations and that Elizabeth will get more from me working with her at home than she will get in preschool. I take my daughter to lots of play groups and gymboree so she can socialize with other kids and I can help keep her hands clean and keep her away from the kids with the runny noses. Elizabeth was very fearful in the beginning of all the kids running around as she is not walking but over time she is becoming confident. It gives me great joy to watch her being assertive and not letting the kids take her toy. It would be a shame to split the girls at different centres and it would be very hard on you as well. Eden is bright girl and needs to be around her peers so she can watch and learn from them. If you are worried about hem missing out hire an ECE for an am program at your house and borrow some of your friends kids, you can still be on germ patrol and the girls can participate in group activities and you don't need to do the planning.<BR/>Good luck its a difficult decision.<BR/>Angi (mom to busy-lizzy)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-81319336976790595192007-05-08T11:42:00.000-04:002007-05-08T11:42:00.000-04:00Hello Billie,This is a hard decision. In the end,...Hello Billie,<BR/><BR/>This is a hard decision. In the end, what your heart says is right. Any choice you make will be the right choice as your girl will benefit and gain life experience in any of the options.<BR/><BR/>Honestly, I would say keep them home for another year. Don't rush them as they are already getting social development from all they go through in their other programs. They will be better able to handle the physical and emotional challenges in a year, and will be able to communiate their needs or troubles to you at that time.<BR/><BR/>Exposure to the germs is always a scary thing. Let them get stronger first. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for taking the time to share Eden and Holland with us. Best wishes as always.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01496970589744458965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-15567153011006202332007-05-08T11:14:00.000-04:002007-05-08T11:14:00.000-04:00Ugh, I hate this three year old change, too. Darsi...Ugh, I hate this three year old change, too. Darsie will be going to a preschool at the school district next year. It is a couple of hours four days a week. It does seem like a lot, but Darsie LOVES her preschool now which is two mornings a week. They want her to ride a bus, too, but I think I will just drop her off and pick her up.<BR/><BR/>You definitely have many more factors involved in your decision than ours, so good luck!<BR/><BR/>I had thought about looking into a Montessori school, too, which I still might for the summer.Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16787015524264816490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-70050299182361105092007-05-08T11:11:00.000-04:002007-05-08T11:11:00.000-04:00One thing you may look into is a Montessori school...One thing you may look into is a Montessori school. They are very inclussive. My daughter attended one and they had one little boy with severe CP and one with mild CP. They had other students with disabilites as well but also students without disabilities. They were all in the same classroom and the children all learned to help each other. It was really amazing to watch all the kids work together and support one another. For preschool they usually offer a twice a week program that may work for you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-15654917175063971182007-05-08T10:18:00.000-04:002007-05-08T10:18:00.000-04:00I've been reading your blog for a couple of weeks ...I've been reading your blog for a couple of weeks (and have checked out all of the archives, too) and am awed by your family. Your girls are so beautiful, and true miracles!<BR/><BR/>I live in the UK, where children don't start school proper until they are 5 (or rather, they don't HAVE to start school proper until they are 5; most will start when they are 4, turning 5 in that school year). Consequently I don't think you have anything to worry about if you keep the children at home for another year. Obvoiusly the situation is slightly different for you, with their needs, but a lot can happen in a year!<BR/><BR/>I can understand why you wouldn't want to split Holland and Eden up; my little sisters (they're not so little now) are twins, and although they went to the same school, the school put them in different classes against my parents wishes, resulting in serious stress for all concerned. Ultimately they were put in the same class again, and when they moved on to secondary school (aged 11) they were in different forms, and were absolutely fine.<BR/><BR/>I firmly believe that there should be SEN provision available for those who need it, but I also believe that - where possible - inclusion is a much better approach. Eden has physical difficulties, yes, but no doubt she would thrive with other so-called 'normal' children of her age. <BR/><BR/>The way I look at it, nothing is ever set in concrete. You can try Eden in mainstream, and if that doesn't work then she can always transfer to the special school.<BR/><BR/>Good luck! Whatever decision you ultimately make you have the welfare of the girls at heart, and that's the most important thing.<BR/><BR/>:)Hayleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15351420545758615775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-85865959521742571992007-05-08T09:00:00.000-04:002007-05-08T09:00:00.000-04:00Three has always seemed like an awfully young age ...Three has always seemed like an awfully young age to be sending toddlers off to school for any amount of the day. At that young age, why not look into the curriculum the preschool would have and see if you can incorporate that into your daily routine (a sort of homeschooling lite)? Maybe you could also get a part-time helper, perhaps a highschool student, who would come by a couple days a week to give you a break. My sister did this for several years for a child with severe learning disabilities, CP and cystic fibrosis, when she graduated high school the school district hired her on as his aid.<BR/>I'll keep all of you in my thoughts - your girls are fighters and they will help you know when and how to fight for what is best for them.Meg Weaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05484483851331425784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7915600.post-88572951954750609722007-05-08T08:36:00.000-04:002007-05-08T08:36:00.000-04:00Billie -My heart goes out to you. We just went th...Billie -<BR/><BR/>My heart goes out to you. We just went through Tanner's IEP last month, and it was heartwrenching for me. Our choices weren't quite as varied as yours (we already have them in daycare, so the germ issue had been nixed).<BR/><BR/>What we learned was that we had to chose what was right, and odds were that the staff would agree. It was first suggested to us that Tanner should attend a therapy preschool about 30 minutes by bus from his current school 3x/week. That would mean pulling him out of his current school. That didn't sit well with us, at all.<BR/><BR/>Ultimately, the school is providing therapy at their daycare. They can also do therapy at home for kids who are at risk for exposure to germs. Keep that in mind!<BR/><BR/>Finally, we were told if they did take Tanner into the preschool program, they have 50% of the class as peer models, and usually they will accomodate a twin into one of those spots.<BR/><BR/>I hope that helps - it was one of the most stressful times for me in this whole preemie run.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05784762797071642899noreply@blogger.com