Bowling Bonanza!

We are looking forward to taking the girlies bowling this weekend for a great cause. Kelly's Kidz is holding their 2nd Annual Lucky Strike Challenge. We had a really fun time last year, even though Holland was sick in the hospital and couldn't go.

We got to spend time with some of our pals...


...and show off our mad bowling skill!


You should come! Just watch out for the paparazzi...

We've Got Personality!

The years literally seem to be flying by, and I so want to capture Holland and Eden's huge personalities and bottle them up so I will never forget. I want to remember the way they look, what they are interested in, how they interact with the world, and the funny things that they say. It's a shame how quickly those things seem to evaporate out of my mind if I don't take the time to write them down!

I hate to (gasp) compare them, but I don't really see how you cannot! They are each so unique, that I find it impossible to describe them without talking about how they are different from one another. I try hard not to box them in, and am always letting them know that just because they like something today doesn't mean they have to like it tomorrow. I am also constantly telling them that it really is OKAY for them to like the same thing. Sometimes I feel like they make choices about what they like just to be different from each other! Like, if Holland likes BLUE, then Eden has to like PINK...or if Eden likes ORANGES, then Holland has to like APPLES... Sometimes it even seems like they define themselves on how they are different from each other.

In terms of their likes and dislikes, they are finally finding some common ground. In the past it has strictly been - Holland likes blue and cars and trains, and Eden likes pink and princesses. Now we are discovering more and more that they BOTH like Hannah Montana. They BOTH like stuffed animals, Littlest Pet Shop, Strawberry Shortcake, Hello Kitty, and Barbie. Holland is more and more requesting to wear pink, and I can see the wistful look in her eyes when Eden gets something more "girlie" than her. But...she still gets really excited about cars and trains. Recently she was watching some Nickelodeon while I was taking a shower, and when I came down to check on them she was literally squealing in excitement about a new show that had come on...about Monster Trucks! She was beside herself with happiness, and pretended "Monster Trucks" for an hour after the show was over. So, I know she still has it in her, and that makes me happy. I like balance. I am fine with her getting into the more traditional "girlie" stuff, but I don't want her to lose her love for Thomas the Tank Engine. That would be so sad! Especially since she has said numerous times, "I'm STILL gonna love Thomas, even when I am a grown-up!"

Eden is still resolved to being all about GIRLS and is really interested in what the "big girls" like. Just this morning she asked how old she has to be before I will let her watch ICarly. I told her 7...figuring it won't be around by then...lol. We were discussing Valentine's Day cards this morning. I was asking them what kind they thought they'd like to get for their preschool class (because I couldn't find Littlest Pet Shop like they originally requested). Holland decided on Barbie cards for everyone (last year she got Spiderman). Eden wants to get Hello Kitty, but thinks that she will only give them to the girls. I told her that she has to be nice and give them to ALL the kids, but she can't fathom why a boy would want a Hello Kitty card. I explained that the boys will pick out cards for her too, and she will probably get some Spiderman cards from them, and she said "NO THANK YOU!" We'll get it sorted out by next week:)

It has been interesting to notice how much of their personalities they have retained since those early days, when they were just tiny babies struggling for life in isolettes. It really makes me realize how much of it is hard-wired. Holland continues to be the feistier of the two in many ways, while Eden is calmer and more watchful. Both can be very stubborn and set in their ways, just like their parents (BOTH of them...don't let anyone fool you!).

Holland can be so sweet and loving at times. She has great ideas, loves to play and laugh, has a great memory and a terrific imagination. She pretends ALL THE TIME, to the point that at times she becomes lost in her own fantasies and has difficulty transitioning back to reality. She never wants the fun to end and oftentimes ends up in tears when it's time to move on to another activity...like going potty, getting ready for dinner, or coming in from outside. The tears and fits get pretty infuriating, and so far we haven't come up with a good strategy to get them to stop completely. We've tried time limit warnings (like "5 more minutes) and punishments, but most of this stuff just serves to make her more anxious and makes the behavior worse.

A few months ago we started a "No-Crying Chart" that is much like Eden's Potty Chart. This worked really well for a while, but once she filled her chart and got her reward she was back to the same old thing. We are currently doing a "Good Job Jar" and she is able to get a marble in her jar for not crying during specified transitions. We also use it to reward especially nice behavior (like helping her sister with something, or picking up her toys when asked), and take marbles OUT of the jar if she is being exceptionally bratty (she gets one warning then loses a marble). We have been using this system for about a week, and so far it is going pretty good. It doesn't curb all of her innate orneriness, but at least keeps it at a tolerable level for the most part.

When Holland is comfortable in a situation, and things are going her way, she is mostly happiness and light. But the least bit of anxiety or shyness, or things not going her way, and she acts like a punk. It can be embarrassing at times, like at doctor appts when she is scowling, growling, and won't answer any of the doctor's questions. I just have to stay calm and matter-of-fact (even though I really feel like shaking her), because if I get mad or mean she just shuts down more and acts even worse.

So, if you meet her and she is in one of her "moods" just keep in mind that there is a really good, funny, sweet girl in there, she just needs a little nurturing to show her best side.

Holland really likes stories of all kinds, and likes for me to tell her stories about when she was born, when we got married, when we moved into our house, Zippo when he was a puppy, when I was a little girl, etc. She'll ask for particular stories like, "Mom tell me Zippo's story again", then will listen with rapt attention and will recall many specific details much later.

Holland has a great vocabulary and is really interested in words and what they mean. She will often stop a conversation to ask what a particular word means, then I will hear her use it several days later in a different context. Sometimes, if she doesn't have the exact words to describe something, she will make something up. For example, a couple of weeks ago she said, "Mom, my back boobs are itchy!" Back Boobs!?! Hilarious. She was talking about her shoulder blades.

Both girls are learning about time concepts, like today, tomorrow, yesterday, next week, last year, etc. That's confusing stuff for a 5-year-old! Right now they talk a lot about things that happened "when we were four" or "when we were five." If it happened a long time ago, it's "when we were babies." Holland always likes to know about our plans for tomorrow. She will ask, "what are we going to do when we wake up?" We've recently established that as "tomorrow." So now she will say, "how about tomorrow tomorrow?" That means the day after tomorrow... "What about in THREE tomorrows?" LOL

Eden is my watcher. She notices everything that is going on around her, and is very intuitive about people and their feelings. She is also very nosy. She likes to know details about people, their families, and where they live. When we meet new people or go to new houses, she needs to know how many kids they have, how many bathrooms there are, and what color their bedrooms are. Pretty funny.

She is very in tune with the dynamics of our family, and can sense it when any of us are upset or stressed out. She will stare at my face to read my facial expressions, and always tries to break the ice or be the peacekeeper if things are feeling stressful. If Holland is being particularly ornery, or John and I are bickering, she will start saying "Mom, I love you" every few minutes, and will want to hold my hand, and give me a hug or a kiss. It very sweet and cute...to a certain point. The problem is that she sometimes does this to solidify her position as "the good one" when Holland is being difficult. She will also sometimes say, "I'm being good, right Mom?", and if Holland loses a privilege, like bath time or book time, Eden will really rub it in which can be pretty annoying.

We really try to downplay the whole bad girl, good girl thing by being as fair and neutral as we can, but it does seem that Eden's natural inclination is to be more of a pleaser, and Holland tends to push buttons. But trust me, Eden knows how to push some buttons too. She especially likes to push Daddy's buttons.

Not long ago, John was taking Eden potty and she was really wiggling around, playing, not paying attention, and not helping the whole process along at all. John got exasperated with her and told her to stop playing, and to try to help him out. He said, "Eden you need to stop wiggling and BE STILL." She proceeded to say: "Well, I'm not gonna stop wiggling."
"I love to wiggle."
"It's a wiggle day."
"I DREAM of wiggling!!!"

It's pretty hard to be stern with her when she DREAMS of wiggling. She doesn't know when to stop! She definitely knows how to dish it out and how to give Daddy a taste of his own medicine.

I still love how animated Eden's face and eyes are when she is talking, and the high pitched breath intake squeal that she does when she is super-excited (I can't think of how else to describe that sound!). She also does this cute, sassy lip-smack now when she is telling stories that makes us laugh.

She loves to pretend too, and sometimes makes up imaginary characters to *be*. One night at dinner she was pretending to be a girl named Leah. She said that she was 16-years-old. Her parents had died from broken legs (?) and she didn't have a home. She read about Holland and Eden on my "blog" and decided to come live with us. Eden was on vacation in California and told her that she could borrow her wheelchair and walker, because she has CP too. We seriously cracked up when she said, "I read your blog!" That girl doesn't miss a thing.

Eden has amazing attention for so many things. She can really stick with something for a long time...much longer than other kids her age. She has especially good attention for "band practice" with Daddy. She asks him all the time when they can have band practice, and if he tells her on Friday night that they can do it on Saturday, she literally POPS out of bed the next morning saying, "It's time for band practice!!!" John will take both girls down to the basement to work on music, and Holland will lose interest before they even get set up. Eden will hang out down there for two hours, playing the keyboard and/or synthesizer and singing in the microphone. They learn all kinds of songs. Some of her favorites are Hannah Montana (of course), songs from Alvin and the Chipmunks (Daddy has a cool effects pedal that can make her sound like a chipmunk), and Tegan and Sara. She does a great version of "Walking with a Ghost." Lately they have been working on "You Spin Me Around" by Dead or Alive...sung in chipmunk voices of course.

In Eden's mind, John is a Rock Star. He was recently in a band, "Clicks & Pops" that played a couple of shows last month. Each morning after their shows she asked him how it went. I was showing her some of the pictures at breakfast, and she looked up at John and said, "Dad, you are SO COOL." "You are the coolest Dad EVER!" When he broke the news to her that he was quitting that band, her face fell and she said, "But I really LOVE Clicks and Pops. That's my favorite band!" She is convinced that when she grows up she is going to be in a band with her dad. I'll be their biggest fan!

Another thing I don't want to leave out...both girls are just now learning to say the "l" sound. We practiced it for a few days, and now I am hearing them use it in conversation, catching and correcting themselves. It's so cute how they kinda overexaggerate the llll sound to say "lllike" instead of "wike" or "lllllaugh" instead of "waff". They are so proud of themselves when they say, "Mom, I lllllove you!"

I am so proud of them too. They are so cute and funny and sweet...and sassy and bratty and exasperating at times too.

I love it all and I want to remember all of it!

Five and a Half (in 3 more days)!

It's been quite a while since I've done a comprehensive update about the girls...health status, feeding and growth, preschool progress, stunning personalities...and all that jazz.

It's hard to know where to begin!

Healthwise, both girls have been doing really well. We haven't had any *sick* doctor visits in...well, I can't even remember how long, and that's a good thing! Outside of some chronic stuffy noses for most of December, we've been good. I think Holland has needed 3 or 4 Albuterol breathing treatments total since her hospitalization in October. Eden needed treatments with that October sickness too, but has only needed 1 or 2 since then, and has officially been *Hospital Free* for (almost) one year!!

Holland continues to take Zyrtec daily to help manage her allergies and eczema. She has a Flovent puffer that we use nightly, in place of the Pulmicort nebulizer treatments that she used to do to help keep her asthma under control. Eden's only medication is 15mg Prevacid solutabs daily to help control reflux. Besides those, both girls take a multivitamin, a zinc and echinacea supplement, and we recently started giving them Omega-3 softchews.

Eating and growing is also going pretty good. My only complaint is that they still won't really feed themselves. I accept at this point that is partly my (our) fault. We have fed them for so long that they just expect it, and I can't seem to get myself comfortable with the whole, "eat it yourself or starve" thing yet. Not when they are eating so well and GROWING! Holland is now 41 inches tall and weighs about 32 pounds. Eden is 40 inches tall and just recently hit THIRTY...yes, The Big Three Oh...pounds!!! We are quite excited about this and hope the trend continues. This puts Holland at the 4th percentile for BMI on the *regular* charts. Eden is above the 10th percentile on the awesome CP growth charts that I recently found (she would be in group 3 with those charts).

In terms of physical abilities and milestones... Holland continues to get private PT at home once a month, and school based PT and OT at school weekly. Right now she is working on balancing on one foot, and continues to work on core strengthening. She is doing really well jumping with both feet and climbing stairs. She can go up and downstairs without holding the railing, but I usually tell her to hold it anyway just to be safe. I still have to remind her to engage both arms when she runs (her left arm generally wants to be hand-open up in the air rather than fisted to help her balance), but overall her running is smoother and she falls less.

Holland's fine motor skills have really come along since this time last year. She is able to write her first and last name, and her letters are smaller and better formed, especially when she is reminded to write small. She draws pictures that really look like what she says they are, and sometimes surprises me. Her biggest issue with the fine motor is that she is really easily frustrated and sometimes gives up before she even gets going. One little glitch in her idea of what it is *supposed* to look like and she freaks out and tries to give up. She needs a lot of help problem-solving a way to correct the problem rather than just quitting. This worries me.

Eden has made leaps and bounds of progress in the mobility department. You may recall that she was just starting to push to sit and learning to play in the upright sitting position this time last year. She has perfected her bunny-hop crawling, and gets around the house quite speedily (is that a word?). Her upper body strength and catching reflex have improved greatly with all the exercise she does. She can maintain bench sitting for longer periods of time, can pull her legs around into the criss-cross applesauce position, pivots in and out of side-sitting while she is playing. She is also able to use both hands to play for short periods of time, and is much more balanced in the sitting position.

Eden's mind is often about 5 steps ahead of her body though, and when she gets going too fast, she has frequent tumbles and whacks her head on the hard floor. Most of the time she is completely oblivious to it and just pops right back up and keeps moving, but we all cringe when we hear her head hitting the floor. We call it "crack-a-lackin" and when there is too much of that going on we have to make her play in the family room, which we call the "soft floor." She absolutely hates being confined to one room, and will whine, "but I'm NOT gonna be crack-a-lackin!" We're thinking about getting her some type of soft helmet for her to wear at home when she is playing so that we can protect that noggin. Any ideas?

Eden continues to do private PT at home once a week, and gets PT/OT at school weekly as well. Her home PT told me last week that she recently reviewed Eden's goals from last year, and that she has met every one of them!!! Right now we are working hard on increasing stander time and more time in her pink Rifton Pacer (which requires more weight bearing than her pony walker). She also recently borrowed a nifty bolster chair that is modified with tall bars that she can sit in and use to pull herself into the standing position. She really likes this new piece of equipment, and it really opens up some fun opportunities for being more independent. Our goal for this year is that she might start pulling to stand and bearing more weight on her legs. I am cautiously optimistic.

This past spring one of my dear, kind, and thoughtful cousins bought Holland and Eden a Wii, and it has been invaluable in getting Eden to use her stander without complaint. Both girls LOOOOOVE the Wii, and could literally spend hours on it. John bought me the Wii Fit for Christmas, and we were quite excited to figure out that the balance board fits right under the new bolster/standing contraption and allows Eden to play some of the games. In fact, she has gotten pretty good at the penguin slide game and I love to see her doing it on her own.

Eden's fine motor skills are pretty good, but writing continues to be a struggle. She can write her name, but the letters are really large, might not be in the right order, and still don't always fit on the page. This is an area where she hasn't really made as much progress as I had hoped she would, and I am not sure where we will go from here. I have made it known that I want to pursue the assistive technology route more aggressively for writing once she gets into kindergarten. We will still practice handwriting, but I think to really get her best, she will need to be able to do the bulk of her schoolwork that involves writing on the computer.

(Dear Horse, Love Shadow)
Both girls have an appointment with a new pediatric ophthalmologist tomorrow. Our beloved eye doctor who has treated them almost since birth has retired, so we are going to someone new. Though I am sad to lose another doc that we loved, I am interested to get another perspective. Holland's left eye continues to turn out significantly since her last surgery, and she has a difficult time pulling it in, even when she is wearing her patch (two hours a day...still...sigh). I really don't think she is using that eye much except when her patch is on. She seems to see fine out of it, but literally moves her head to see things rather than pulling her eye in. Very sad. I fear that she will need another surgery, but I am really worried about overcorrecting (which seems to be what happened last time) and scar tissue and I'm not sure we would/could go through with it.

Eden had some updated Speech and Hearing testing done in December. The results were simply amazing. As always. I haven't received the official report in the mail yet, so I can't tell you actual scores, but I do know for sure that she made significant gains in every area, and is squarely in the average range for her real age. There were a couple of subtests where she went from getting, like 2 questions right, to testing all the way to the ceiling of the test and getting something crazy like 60 right. It was cool. On that day I took them to McDonald's for lunch to celebrate Eden's averageness. The only area that I noticed some significant weakness was in her ability to discriminate sound with background noise. This may be why we notice that she zones out a bit in loud environments where there is a lot going on. She just cannot hear as well.

We are in the process of trying to get Eden an upgrade for her cochlear implant processor. The one she has now is getting old and has a loose connection. It works, but we have to tape two of the parts together or it starts shutting off on her at random times. There is also a small crack in the battery casing. So anyway, Cochlear has come out with a new processor and she is eligible for an upgrade. There are a lot of overwhelming logistics behind it with insurance and trade in values and copays and whatnot, so I won't bore you with the details. It is going to happen, we're just not sure how soon and what kind of dent it will put in our finances yet. She is very excited bc the new processor has a remote control that she will be able to operate without taking her hearing off at all!

Preschool is going really well, and it has been such a huge relief to have the girls in the same program as last year. Eden has the same wonderful one-on-one aide, two of the rotating special ed staff are the same, one bus driver, PT/OT/ST/and HI teacher are also all the same. The kids are different (obviously), and they have a different general ed teacher and parapro...but they knew the girls from shared field trips and recess last year. All of this has just made this year seem like a piece of cake compared to last year. All of our meeting have been very unstressful (is that a word?) and the girls seem to be having a blast.

They fit in well with this group of kids, and I even think they seem more mature in some ways than some of the other kiddos. We really LOVED last year's group, and there were more girls, but I think they tended to baby H and E a little more, whereas this year they get to be the *big* girls. Eden has been taking her power chair to school once a week this year as well, and that has been a nice thing for her. I am hoping that we will be able to use it even more next year. The power chair has just been amazing for her social and emotional development. It allows her so much more independence than any other piece of equipment and I just love it. She is able to *run* around the playground with the other kids, slosh through the snow, barrel through the fall leaves, and zoom through the sprinkler... None of these things were possible before the powerchair, without have an adult carrying her all of the time. If you have a kid who is not close to walking at age 3 or 4, I highly recommend that you explore power mobility as an option. It has opened up a whole new world for Eden.

Another super cool preschool related piece of news...BOTH girls are really starting to read!!!! Gosh, I see kids learning to read all of the time at work, but it is still something so amazing to see with my own kids. They know all of their letters (upper and lowercase) and almost all of their sounds. They both have sight word vocabularies of about 20 words? Maybe more. They can do rhymes, and can generally tell me what letter any given word starts with. They are on par with the sight words...Eden may even be slightly ahead because she has more interest, but Holland is a little better right now at the sounds and rhymes. But both are really coming along, and I think they will be in a great place starting kindergarten next fall. They are also doing really good with number concepts, counting, and simple word math. Holland does great with numbers up to 10 and Eden is working on numbers up to 5 or 6.

So, this is getting really long. And I haven't even gotten to their stunning personalities yet. Guess that will have to be another post. There's still so much to tell!

Twenty Ten

Things I should be doing right now, instead of blogging:
- Folding and hanging up clean clothes - the girls' and my own.
- Unloading and reloading the dishwasher.
- Sorting through the huge box of assorted mail and papers that need to be filed.
- Packing up clothes that are too small, so they can be passed on to my nieces.

The thing about it is...those things never last. I have to do them over and over and over again. When I haven't posted to the blog in a while, I start to get that nagging voice in my head..."write a post, write a post", and I start to feel bad about slacking. I feel the same way with all of those other tedious things around the house that I need to get done. But, at least when I finish a blog post...it's done. And it lasts.

This blog has served me well, and it's purpose has changed dramatically over the years. In the beginning, it was just meant to be a way to keep our friends and family informed about what was happening with the girls in the NICU. After they came home, it became a way for me to stay connected to the outside world. It was a way to connect with other preemie parents, as well as to give and share information about what we were going through. Eventually, during the roughest times, when we were learning about the girls disabilities and the lasting impact that their prematurity would have, it became a therapy tool. A way for me to unload all of the pain and grief and sadness that I was experiencing.

The blog has been useful in all those ways. It has been helpful for me, and also for other people. But I don't personally need it for those reasons anymore. I have developed a strong, lasting support network of family, friends, other NICU parents, and other parents of children with disabilities, both in "real life" and online, that I interact with on a regular basis outside of the blog. But, more importantly, I don't need it because I am in a really happy, peaceful place in my life...a place that I never really thought I would ever be. Twenty Oh Nine was a great year for us, and I feel like Twenty Ten is going to be even better!

But, don't worry. I am not going to stop blogging. I am not going to stop, because every so often I start reading through the archives. In fact, over the past few months I have been reading through the entire thing as I am changing the old pics to a new system. I have finished up through 2005, and have only 2006 left to do. So, as I work on that, I read each post again, and look at each picture and I am so, so glad that I have this wonderful chronicle of my girls' lives. It's like the ultimate baby book. I love reading the funny stories about things they have said and done and remembering what they were like as yummy little babies and toddlers. So, I can't stop. I know I would be so sorry if I did!

I would be sorry, because I want to remember what Holland and Eden are like as five-year-olds. Five is like...the best age ever! They are so funny and cute, and becoming so much more independent. I can hang out with them, and we have really great, interesting conversations. They have opinions and ideas, and, believe it or not, are even getting better at cleaning up their own messes.

I have lots to say about my almost five and HALF year olds. And now that I have convinced myself that I MUST keep blogging, I will work on another post now...

Until then...check out our new haircuts!

Holland Before:


Eden Before:


Holland After:


Eden After:


Me Before:


Me After:

It took me over a year, but I finally worked up the courage!

We Wish You A Merry Christmas...And A Happy New Year!

We had such a lovely Christmas this year. Everyone was healthy, and the girls were so happy and excited about Santa. I have always loved the holidays, but seeing the magic through their eyes makes it even more awesome than it was before!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Sad News

I am so, so sad for my friends today. They have been through so much, and my heart truly breaks for them.

Pam and Namir first contacted me several years ago when their girls were very small. They live nearby and we have had a chance to meet in 'real life' several times now. Lessa and Ivy are 24-week triplets who lost their brother Galen at 11 days in January of 2006. Their brother Reid was born last October after a full-term uncomplicated pregnancy. He was unexpectedly diagnosed with Joubert syndrome after his birth and spent 105 days in the NICU.

Reid passed away suddenly yesterday after a complicated life. He was a lucky little boy to have spent his short life surrounded by so much love.

Please visit their blog to offer your sympathies, prayers, and kind words. I understand there is very little we can do to ease their pain, but at least we can let them know we care.

Random Acts of Cuteness

Delayed Reaction

We established some time ago that Holland has food allergies. She is one of those classic kids with the eczema/food allergies/asthma trio that seems to be pretty common. She had a very clear reaction to eggs when she was a baby. After that happened, we had skin testing done - where they pricked the skin on her back and tested several different things, including eggs, peanuts, and several varieties of tree nuts. She had a positive skin reaction to eggs and cashews. She was negative for peanuts, but not long after had a reaction after getting peanut butter on her fingers. After that incident, I just always counted peanuts as an allergy (especially since John has a mild peanut allergy). I don't believe we ever tested almonds (or maybe we did and she was negative), but our nephew Connor has a pretty serious almond allergy, so we decided to stay away from those as well. So, we just pretty much followed a nut free diet for a few years. And we had an EpiPen handy at home and at school...just in case.

We steered clear of eggs with Holland for about a year. Then we slowly started introducing food items like pasta, salad dressing, cakes, and cookies with egg IN them, and she did fine. Eventually we tried egg again, and it seems like she has completely outgrown that allergy.

I guess as the time passed I kinda lightened up about the food allergy thing. I still checked labels for nuts, but didn't think a whole lot about it. About a year ago, we were grocery shopping and I had to run out to the car for something. When I came back into the store, Holland and Eden were sitting in the cart eating WINDMILL COOKIES, which are full of ALMONDS!!! I freaked out a little bit, AND realized that I didn't have the EpiPen (had forgotten the diaper bag, and didn't think about it because so much time had passed without needing it). But everything was fine and Holland didn't have a reaction to the almonds. So cool, no allergy there.

Then probably 4-6 months ago John made angel hair pasta and chicken with sundried tomatoes and pesto for dinner one night. I checked the label and it said it contained "pine nuts." We talked about "do you think she could be allergic?", but went ahead and tried it anyway. She was fine. Not allergic to pine nuts.

I guess that's where I started getting TOO comfortable, thinking that possibly she had outgrown ALL of her food allergies, or maybe even that she never had them in the first place!

Well, we loved the pesto so much the first time we decided to buy more. This time we shopped at a different grocery store, and the only pesto they had said that it contained cashews. We had another conversation about it, along the lines of "do you think she is allergic to cashews?" "Well, I guess we can try it, so far she has been fine, not allergic to anything." So we bought it and about a week later, John made it for dinner. Honestly, I didn't even think about it again.

Shortly after we began the meal, Holland started to complain about a stomach ache. Now, you have to realize that we have been through 5 years of feeding issues. It's not uncommon for either of them to complain about...well, pretty much anything....to get out of eating. So, I kinda blew it off and made her keep eating. :( Then her eyes started itching and she started rubbing them. Again...not really all that unusual. Sometimes if she is playing with the dog too much, or crawling around on the floor before dinner, and rubs her eyes, they get itchy. Then she rubs them with greasy dinner hands, and they get worse. So I STILL didn't realize what was happening, and I STILL made her keep eating. BAD MOM ALERT! I took her to wash her hands thinking that it could be the dog, brought her back to the table to sit on my lap, and put a few more bites in her mouth. Then all of a sudden it dawned on me.

"John, is this the pesto that had the cashews in it?" "I think she might be having a reaction to the cashews!" By then, her eyes were starting to swell...especially her left, her nose was running, she was really, really itchy all over her body, and she was complaining about her tummy hurting.

I gave her a dose of Zyrtec (which she was due for anyway) and took her up for a bath thinking I should at least get it off her skin. She was pretty cheerful and played in the tub, despite the fact that by this point it was getting late and she was in pretty pitiful shape. After her bath I did our usual hydrocort and Aquaphor routine for her eczema, put her in her jammies, and put her in bed while I went to call the doctor. I didn't know if I could/should give her a dose of Benedryl right after she had her Zyrtec, and I wanted to know what to watch out for.

While I was waiting for the doc to return my call she started throwing up. She threw up once or twice, then fell asleep. John laid with her while I was on the phone. When I came back in to check on them she started throwing up again, this time in her sleep while lying on her back. That was pretty scary. We got her up, she threw up again, then went back to sleep. After that she was fine...slept threw the night with no issues, and woke up in the morning back to normal.

I did locate the EpiPen in the midst of this, but was pretty aggravated with myself for not having it more handy. I got a little lax. But now we know. She IS allergic to cashews and I will make sure I keep checking labels and always know where the EpiPen is!!!

About a week before this incident she had an appointment with the allergist and we had talked about doing bloodwork/more allergy testing, but I still haven't followed through on it. It's not just about making the time, but about whether the benefits of drawing blood will be worth the drama of putting her through that. She had to have so many immunizations this year, on top of one hospitalization and IV in October. I'd really like to wait a loooooooong time before having to approach her with any needles again. I'm almost more comfortable avoiding peanuts and any tree nuts that we aren't sure are safe for another year or so...and keeping the EpiPen handy. Still trying to decide on that one.